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The Joke Thread

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BOLLO



Location : Nottingham/Mildenhall

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PostSubject: The Joke Thread The Joke Thread Empty2009-09-22, 11:54

Selling biscuits for 27p,thats Asda price

Selling toys for 99p that Fisher price...

Selling pathetic rape stories to the press,thats Katie Price.......... The Joke Thread 253775
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Pete_the_mech




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PostSubject: Re: The Joke Thread The Joke Thread Empty2009-09-22, 17:49

this actually made me chuckle The Joke Thread 687308
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Blackcat1

Blackcat1

Location : Aberdare, South Wales, Southern edge of LFA7
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PostSubject: Jordan The Joke Thread Empty2009-09-23, 02:55

Me too The Joke Thread 53197
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BOLLO



Location : Nottingham/Mildenhall

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PostSubject: Re: The Joke Thread The Joke Thread Empty2009-09-23, 03:30

Good oh The Joke Thread 711487
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Unknown



Location : United Kingdom
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PostSubject: Re: The Joke Thread The Joke Thread Empty2009-09-23, 04:25

If you put the lot together they're actually selling cheap plastic rubbish which leaves crums and other crap all over the place when finished..............
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BOLLO



Location : Nottingham/Mildenhall

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PostSubject: Re: The Joke Thread The Joke Thread Empty2009-09-23, 05:40

Cool The Joke Thread 139755
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BOLLO



Location : Nottingham/Mildenhall

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PostSubject: Scarecrow joke. The Joke Thread Empty2009-09-26, 05:20

I seen a scarecrow "cracking one off" the other day.I thought to myself,he must be clutching at straws!! The Joke Thread 966718
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mish65

mish65

Location : Grimsby
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PostSubject: Re: The Joke Thread The Joke Thread Empty2009-09-26, 10:45

That's jokes almost as bad as my wife's cooking Laughing
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viper3111

viper3111

Location : ely
Spotter Watch Member : nope

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PostSubject: 2 fish (i aplogise in advance) but couldnt resist The Joke Thread Empty2009-09-26, 11:10

2 fish in a tank, one turns to the other and says "do you know how to drive this thing"
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Shaun
Modelling section moderator

A pair of bins
A note book
A pen
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An understanding wife

http://www.ipms-uk.co.uk/
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BOLLO



Location : Nottingham/Mildenhall

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PostSubject: Re: The Joke Thread The Joke Thread Empty2009-09-26, 11:10

What about this then?..I bought a goldfish the other day,but it turns out it was epiletic.The weird thing was,as long as i left it in its tank it was fine...
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Ben Montgomery
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Ben Montgomery

Location : Loughborough University
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PostSubject: Re: The Joke Thread The Joke Thread Empty2009-09-26, 14:35

I merged all these jokes into one thread, so that if people want a laugh, then they just need to look in the one place. The Joke Thread 687308
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I was TheOriginalMonty, but I thought I'd shake it up a bit and change my name!
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SteveS
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SteveS

Location : Rubery, Birmingham
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PostSubject: Re: The Joke Thread The Joke Thread Empty2009-09-26, 14:58

Two parrots are sitting on a perch and one says to the other, "Can you smell fish?"
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The Joke Thread Cooltext404948495Custom
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Beefsteak

Beefsteak

Location : Mid Cheshire
Spotter Watch Member : Yes

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PostSubject: Re: The Joke Thread The Joke Thread Empty2009-09-26, 16:37

Two snowmen were talking and one says , "Can you smell carrots?"

Last edited by Beefsteak on 2009-09-28, 08:40; edited 1 time in total
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BOLLO



Location : Nottingham/Mildenhall

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PostSubject: Re: The Joke Thread The Joke Thread Empty2009-09-27, 03:27

A feminist visits Kabul just after the fall of the Taliban & is not pleased to find that women must walk 5 paces behind their men..A year later she returns & is delighted find that men must now walk 5 paces behind behind women.She asked the interpreter "what brought about the change?"
He replied " Land mines!"
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Blackcat1

Blackcat1

Location : Aberdare, South Wales, Southern edge of LFA7
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PostSubject: Tafia The Joke Thread Empty2009-09-28, 12:06

Did you know that there is a Welsh version of the Mafia????

It's called the TAFIA.

They make you an offer you can't understand!!! The Joke Thread 53197
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viper3111

viper3111

Location : ely
Spotter Watch Member : nope

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PostSubject: Re: The Joke Thread The Joke Thread Empty2009-09-28, 12:16

200 soldiers eneterd jordan today using force, reports say that shes ok but a bit sore

Edited for family use, its old but it still makes me laugh
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Shaun
Modelling section moderator

A pair of bins
A note book
A pen
A radio
An understanding wife

http://www.ipms-uk.co.uk/
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BOLLO



Location : Nottingham/Mildenhall

The Joke Thread Vide
PostSubject: Re: The Joke Thread The Joke Thread Empty2009-09-28, 14:18

viper3111 wrote:
200 soldiers eneterd jordan today using force, reports say that shes ok but a bit sore

Edited for family use, its old but it still makes me laugh

Cracking The Joke Thread 253775 The Joke Thread 253775 The Joke Thread 698488
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Flaps
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Flaps

Location : 478 miles NNW of Skegness.
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PostSubject: Re: The Joke Thread The Joke Thread Empty2009-09-28, 14:46

I walked past a beggar yesterday,he said "any change mate ?"


I said "No,I've still got a huge house and a fancy car"
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Flaps
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Flaps

Location : 478 miles NNW of Skegness.
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PostSubject: Re: The Joke Thread The Joke Thread Empty2009-09-28, 14:54

******STOP PRESS******

An Englishman has been shot dead in Inverness by the Highland Police.

When asked why the victim had 68 bullet-wounds,a spokesman said "That's all we had" Laugh Laugh Laugh
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BOLLO



Location : Nottingham/Mildenhall

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PostSubject: Re: The Joke Thread The Joke Thread Empty2009-09-28, 15:00

Flaps wrote:
******STOP PRESS******

An Englishman has been shot dead in Inverness by the Highland Police.

When asked why the victim had 68 bullet-wounds,a spokesman said "That's all we had" The Joke Thread 253775 The Joke Thread 253775 The Joke Thread 253775

Ha ha,thats been changed The Joke Thread 966718 The Joke Thread 966718 The Joke Thread 966718 ,still funny tho.
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BOLLO



Location : Nottingham/Mildenhall

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PostSubject: Re: The Joke Thread The Joke Thread Empty2009-09-28, 15:08

Broadmoor Karaoke Final .

3rd place.Rose West with "Under the Broad Walk"

2nd place. Peter Sutcliffe with "If i had a hammer"

1st place goes to Dr Harrold Shipman with "A spoon full of sugar makes the medicen go down"
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Flaps
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Flaps

Location : 478 miles NNW of Skegness.
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PostSubject: Re: The Joke Thread The Joke Thread Empty2009-09-28, 15:20

The Isle of Dogs Building Society has collapsed.


















They've called in the Retrievers. Laugh
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Dazza

Dazza

Location : Oxfordshire
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PostSubject: Re: The Joke Thread The Joke Thread Empty2009-09-28, 16:03

Sorry ladies

Yesterday, a scientist for Health Canada suggested that, considering the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer.
The theory is that drinking beer makes men turn into women.
To test the theory, 100 men were fed 6 pints of beer each within a one hour period. It was then observed that 100% of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn’t drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing, and refused to apologize when wrong.
No further testing is necessary.
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stigorige

stigorige

Location : norfolk
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PostSubject: Re: The Joke Thread The Joke Thread Empty2009-09-28, 19:26

A philosophical question.
If a man speaks in the middle of a forest, where no woman can hear him, is he still wrong?
Stig.
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hawks922

hawks922

Location : Birmingham, West Midland (Geordie Born & Bred)
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PostSubject: Re: The Joke Thread The Joke Thread Empty2009-09-29, 02:02

Q: Why don't worms have Balls?
A: Because they can't dance The Joke Thread 711487

There are rumours going around that they are going to do Biographical Film on Harold Shipman and casting Robert De Niro as the lead in "The Old Dear Hunter"

Q: What is long and thin covered in skin red in parts and stuffed in tarts?
A: Rhubarb.

Scouse Eggs

Two Scousers riding along the East Lancs Road on a motorbike. They break down and start hitching a lift.
A friendly trucker stops to see if he can help and the scousers ask him for a lift. He tells them he has no room in the wagon as he is carrying 20,000 bowling balls but will take a look at the bike for them.

He tries everything he knows but is unable to repair it. Time is getting on now and he's late for his delivery so he tells the scousers he has to leave. "R hey lad" they say "gissa lift".

The trucker once again explains that he has no room as he is carrying 20,000 bowling balls. The scousers put it to the driver that if they can manage to fit in the back will he take them and he agrees.

They manage to squeeze themselves and their motorbike into the back of the wagon so the driver shuts the doors and gets off on his way. By this time he is really late and so puts his foot down.

Sure enough PC Plod pulls him up for speeding. The good officer asks the driver what he is carrying to which he replies Scouse Eggs. The policeman obviously doesn't believe this so wants to take a look.

He opens the back door and quickly shuts it and locks it . He gets onto his radio and calls for immediate backup from as many officers as possible.
The dispatcher asks what emergency he has that requires so many officers. "I've got a wagon with 20,000 Scouse eggs in it - 2 have already hatched and the thieving gits have managed to nick a motorbike already".
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